Ashton and Kindergarten

Ashton came to me this morning with the following announcement:

Ashton: Mom, I need 3 shots today.
Me: Oh really, you want three shots. You don't need any shots.
Ashton: No Mom, REALLY, I need three shots.
Me: Whatever for.
Ashton: I have this allergy that makes it so that I can't do secret codes and something else.
Me: Well that is a problem, and what was the other thing.
Ashton: It makes it so I can't eat ANYTHING.
Me: Well that will make you hungry.
Ashton: Yeah, and guess what else, the three shots will count for KINDERGARTEN, so I can go to Kindergarten after I get the shots.

A month ago, our pediatrician told Ashton that in order to go to Kindergarten, he will need 3 more shots. Translation in Ashton's mind, "Once I get three more shots, I can get a cool backpack and go to school on the bus with Isaac!" He hasn't stopped asking about the shots since. He had to have his CBC checked last month and announced that "This is one of the shots for Kindergarten. Now I only need two more!"

Fast-forward to this afternoon during our parent-teacher conference at his preschool. Cognitively, he is right on target. He is doing great with his gross motor skills, struggles a bit with writing, but is overall doing great. He has already met most of the milestones necessary to start Kindergarten. So what is the concern? His overall readiness to sit still in a class of 20+ kids. He is a bit, umm, distractable. He likes to daydream, requires frequent reminders to stay on task, and is always curious and taking in the entirety of his surroundings. (Those who know me well would say he didn't fall far from the tree.) Sounds like a typical 4 1/2 year-old boy, right? Exactly, but that is a problem when you turn five 1 month before the deadline, and you are the only typical just-turned-5-year-old in your class.

When I moved into St. Louis, I learned about a trend to keep younger kids back a year before starting school. Initially, I thought this was ridiculous. The deadline here is almost 2 months earlier than in NY, and why would you hold a kid back from the opportunity to learn? The flippant answer that I was initially given was "for sports." Sports?!?! Are you kidding me? Then I spent the last month on a rotation analyzing children's development. For part of this, I spent a morning at a daycare discussing and observing the normal developmental progress of children, including Kindergarten readiness. We talked about how some younger kids may be ready in some ways, but they may be lacking the maturity to sit still and cope with the structure of school. Others may need a little more time to develop cognitive, motor or social skills necessary to be successful. In other words, some kids just need time to be, well, kids. This is especially important in a city where they have full-day Kindergarten, something I believe helps parents with busy schedules, but does our kids a gross disservice.

Perhaps more important is what it will be like to be (in some cases) almost 2 years younger than peers when you're 12 and developing your first sincere crush or 16 and dealing with the pressures of drugs and sex. The teacher who led me through the daycare exercise said that her own son (who she chose to hold back) has since thanked her as he has seen the younger kids struggle with social pressures. It is hard to say no to people when you are smaller, younger, and socially less mature. This could be a problem considering that Ashton (unlike his older brother), sees rules as a convenience meant to be bent according to his immediate needs.

And then I think about Isaac. He is the youngest in his class (He meets the St. Louis deadline by 6 days). He dreaded going to Kindergarten each day, even though his teacher was amazing and it was only a half-day. He is just starting to like first-grade, but that has been a struggle. Why? "It is just TOOO LOOOONG!" His teacher says you can just tell that he is on the young side, meaning he has difficulty completing tasks until the last minute, likes to daydream and needs a little more prodding. I sometimes feel that he missed out on time to develop through play and time at home. That said, he is reading a grade level above his peers and has no behavioral problems. Would he be completely bored if he were still in a Kindergarten class?

Now I could just say my kids have inattentive-type ADHD (a definite possibility considering their genes), or I can accept that they are both trying to hold up to the expectations posed to kids almost a year (and in some cases almost 2 years) older than they are.

So what is a mom to do? Do I defer and give him an extra year to 'just be a kid' at the risk that he will be cognitively bored when he gets to Kindergarten? Or do I push ahead at the risk that he will be socially behind and dread going to school each day?

What would you do?