Affirmations

Being a parent can be hard. It seems no matter how hard you try, there is always something you could be doing better.

Tonight Ashton and I were making sentences with his sight word cards. I would pick a word, he shouted out the next word he wanted and we would look for it. Slowly, we built a room full of sentences. "We went to get soup." "Look over there." "It is big."

After a while I set out the word "Mom." Without a second to think he blurted out "Love."

I guess I must be doing something right.

Lesson of the week.

I realized something this week.

Negative reinforcement comes when children interfere with our world. Positive reinforcement comes when we venture into our children's world.

Maybe I need to restructure my time.

School and friends.

Ashton: Mom, if I didn't go to school, could I still play with my friends?
Me: You mean, if you stopped going to school, would you still be allowed to see your friends there?
Ashton: Ya.
Me: Well, yes. Are you thinking about dropping out?
Ashton: Yes.
Me: Well, you would still be able to see your friends. But if you didn't go to school you wouldn't have met them and there are a lot of other friends you wouldn't ever meet. Besides, do you want to learn how to read?
Ashton: Ya.
Me: Do you want to learn how to do math?
Ashton: Ya, but I already am a good scientist.
Me: Scientist?
Ashton: I mean, artist.
Me: That's true, but even artists go to school. They go to school and practice a lot. That's how you become a true artist.
Ashton: Oh. OK. But I'm a really good artist already.
Me: Yes you are. Now go to sleep.

Accessorizing!!!

My little 11 month old loves to drape things around her neck and cruise around with it for the day. This is her new necklace/scarf/accessory thing she found this morning.

OH, and if you notice the cut on her forehead... her brother was nice enough to open the front door for her while she was leaning against it. He was just paying it forward though, because that's exactly how he loosened up his front tooth a couple of years ago.

Groundings.

Me: Ashton, we are going to have dinner at my boss's house, so I need you to be good.
Ashton: OK
Me: I'm serious, Ashton. If you throw a tantrum, we may need to ground you for life.
Ashton sits up suddenly.
Ashton (in a very serious voice): For life?
Me: Well, probably not for life, but maybe for a week or two. Does that sound OK?
Ashton: Good.
Aukai: But Ashton, the better thing would be to not throw any tantrum, then you don't have to be grounded.
Ashton: OK
Me: And Ashton, what should your punishment be if you throw a tantrum like the one you threw in Target the other day?
Ashton: Grounding for life? (If there is any question, this would really be a fair punishment.)
Me: Well, maybe not for life. Maybe just until college. Does that sound good?
Ashton: Yeah.
A few minutes later:
Ashton: Isaac, you need to get ready because we are going to one of Mommy's MASTERS' house for dinner.

Onions

Isaac: "Mom, are we in the North or the South?"

Me: "Well, I think we are technically in the North, but we are right on the border. During the Civil War many families fought against each other because some sided with the North and others from the South."

*Isaac shows me the cover of his book, Civil War on Sunday . . . one of the Magic Treehouse series.

Isaac: "Oh, so we were the "Onion" soldiers."

Me: "The Onion soldiers?"

Isaac: "Yeah." He points to the word, "Union." "Uhn-ion soldiers."

Me: "Actually, that is pronounced, 'Union,' but that would be awesome if that we were really called the Onions."

Isaac: "Yeah, it would be."

If you are in need of a good laugh . . .

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/play_full.php?play=439&act=2

Happy Father's Day

To this man . . . .

This amazingly hot man . . .

A superhero of sorts . . .

A liberated man . . .

Who through hard work . . .

And endurance . . .

Always keeping to the grindstone . . .

But still keeping things chill . . .

Has become the world's best dad . . .

And remains my favorite man.

Happy Father's Day Aukai!

Tangled

Many people have some physical feature that becomes iconic. For Frida Khalo it was her bushy eyebrows and braids. Harry Potter has his scar. For me, it has become my curly hair.

I used to straighten my hair everyday because, you see, at the turn of the century curly hair was a flash-back to the 80's. Definitely not cool. Then came the day that I threw convention aside, switched roles with my husband and flew my family to New York for medical school. I quickly realized that the humidity and my busy schedule made flat-ironing impractical. So I started letting my hair go curly, but it has meant more to me than that. In a funny way, I feel it now embodies my personality . . . the side I usually try to hide from people. Tousled, disorganized, anxious, free-spirited, and even a bit rebellious at times, I find myself secretly satisfied at the defiance of rocking curly hair next to all of my straight-haired counterparts.

With this in mind, however, it is no surprise that I straighten my hair at times when I'm feeling particularly insecure.

As I sat flat-iron in hand, I heard Ashton crawl out of bed. He lay down next to me and, with a bit of attitude, said, "What are you doing THAT for?"

"I'm using this to make my hair straight."

"The other way looks better," he retorted.

With a bit of annoyance in my own voice I answered, "You think so?"

"Why do you EVEN HAVE that thing?"

"Ashton, I've had it for years. I used to straighten my hair all the time."

There was a pause. "Why didn't you buy a PINK one?"

"Because this is the only color they had . . . "

With all of his sass, at least I know he loves the "real" me. :)

All-American Family

To appreciate this post, you must understand one thing. When most people hear Aukai's name for the first time, they think there is an "L" in it (Alkai).

With Osama Bin Laden's death came a lot of news about Al-Qaeda. Ashton listened to it intently, and then, in a worried voice, turned to Aukai and said, "Daddy, you're American aren't you?"

Don't worry Ashton. You're father is not being hunted by the American Government.

Of note, this almost topped the time my home teacher was worried that my "Visa" had gone bad. Apparently, he thought I was from Switzerland. Oh yes, I was just as confused as you are.

All I want for Christmas is . . .

Yup, Isaac is loosing teeth. Four since Christmas. The toothfairy has been generous. However, due to inclement weather, her last installment had to be by direct deposit.

We love you Isaac.

6 months already?

6 months ago you were only a dream . . .

and now I can't remember what life was like without you.

I love the way you cackle when we kiss your neck.

I love the way you look to see if we are watching when you try something new.

I love the way you focus on a toy right before placing it in your mouth.

I love the wild look you get when playing with us, the way your eyes twinkle and the way you already have some of your daddy's mischief.

I love how you light up when I come home . . . and how you tell me off if I don't immediately come to pick you up.

I love the way you smell, the softness of your hair and and the way you curl up into the perfect little ball when cuddling.

I love you Emery Rose.

Sheer genius.

Aukai and I love shopping at thrift stores, Craig's List, and the like. We love it because it makes us feel eco-friendly. We love it because we are cheap. We love it because we discover wonderful gems like this:

This will DEFINITELY be in our next double-wide.

All in a day's work . . .

1. Forgot my stethescope on my cardiology rotation. 2. Showed a refugee how to use the elevator. 3. Watched my kids' pediatrician get yelled at by a patient's family. 4. Consulted one of my mentors for what turned out to be a completely normal neurology exam. 5. Took a sample of what is probably curdled milk to pathology for evaluation. Got lost in the adult hospital in the process. Remembered how much I HATE adult hospitals. 6. Came home feeling very grateful that I have 3 wonderfully healthy children.

What if . . .

I cannot express the awe I feel as I look at my daughter. I think that is normal for any mom, but for some reason, I feel it heightened this time around. I am amazed by her beauty, by the happiness she shares with us, by each normal milestone she achieves.

I had an appointment with my OB today. I thanked him again for his participation in Emmy's birth and he looked at me. A shadow crossed his face. "Thank you," he said. "I wish it could always be that happy." Then breaking the moment of understanding between us, he pasted on a smile and said, "But luckily, it's happy more often than not."

Is it wrong to be happy when surrounded by such saddness? Is it wrong to be sad when surrounded by such joy? Perhaps I will contemplate these questions another night. For now, I will enjoy smelling my baby as I rock her to sleep.

Fresh Air

I gently rotated her chubby fingers as I examined her hand.
"Were you brave when they put in the IV?" I asked
"No, I wath not bwave. I cwied. But then it wath done, and then I wath bwave . . . can I see my pictuwe of the coin I ate?"

Thank goodness for healthy children.

In Memory

It is a funny thing working in a children's hospital. There are a lot of ups as you see children get better, develop tender relationships and feel that you are becoming 'their doctor.' There are also a lot of downs as you see children get worse, get cussed out by families and realize how much you still don't know.

And then there are the days that you cry. You cry for the kids and you cry for the families that are left behind. But in the end you get through it because, hey, these are "sick" kids, and "sick" kids are inherently different from healthy kids. They have to be. If you saw your own daughter or nephew in every kid that came in, you wouldn't be able to get through the day.

But then comes a moment when tragedy strikes, and it isn't a "sick" kid. It is one of your own clan. The daughter of a doctor or son of a nurse. Someone that you know. Someone like you.

And suddenly the hospital falls silent. And I cry again, but this time it is not for the family or the child, although I hurt for them deeply. This time it is for myself.

You see, I make my children wear their seatbelts and eat their vegetables. I am neurotic about helmets, make sure they get all their vaccines and only leave them with people that I trust explicitly. But in the end, it may not matter. Because God or life or whatever you want to call that Great Other "happens." And all it leaves you with is a great void. And there is nothing that I can do about it.

So in memory of someone who was loved very much, please give a child, healthy or sick, a special hug tonight. Not out of fear, but out of gratitude simply that you can.

Happy 1/2 Birthday Isaac

Tomorrow is Isaac's 1/2 birthday. Since he has a summer birthday, we are sending in treats for him at school. Before going to the store, Aukai sent him upstairs to pow-wow with me about what he should bring. I suggested "scooby snacks" and he replied, "Well, my friend's mom stayed up all night making cupcakes."

You have got to be kidding me!

To his credit, he was very understanding when I explained that I am sick and wouldn't want to get his friends sick, so there would be no cupcake making for our family. Way to have a good attitude Isaac! We settled on scooby snacks and gogurts strapped together with silly bands.

Happy half-birthday kid. We love you.

Intern Blues

What do you get when you combine nursing with intern year?

Apparently, it's shingles and strep throat . . . at the same time! The irony is that of the many common communicable diseases and rashes, Strep is the only one that I don't remember being exposed to recently. And you don't "catch" shingles.

12 hours on antibiotics and my T is still 100.5 on tylenol. (101 is a "true" fever.) Oh well. At least my tonsils are somewhat recognizable. :)

Grampa Moose

Isaac: Mom, did you know Grampa Moose?
Me: No, who's Grampa Moose?
Isaac: Well, maybe you aren't the right age?
Me: Right Age? Is Grampa Moose something from school?
Isaac: No, Grampa MOOSE. Cassandra told us about him.
Me: Who's Grampa Moose?
Isaac: He died because people smoked around him.*
Me: Oh. You mean Great Grampa GOATES.
Isaac: Yeah. Well, Moose/Goat, they both have horns.

*GG Goates died with cancer in his lungs. We don't know whether it was lung cancer or cancer that spread to the lung, but popular theory is that he got lung cancer because he was constantly surrounded by cigar smoke at work.

Panic

Two nights ago, I heard the emergency alarm go off. Accompanied by 5 nurses, I ran to the room of one of my favorite patients, a teenage boy who has been here for weeks for neurorehab. There he sat on his bed, not looking a bit distressed.
We ask what he needed, and he used broken words to tell us he couldn't get the video player to work. I laughed and suggested that next time he press the nurse call button. He said he did, but nobody came. So he pressed the emergency alarm.

Now THAT is a true emergency. :)