Riordan Review

Affirmations

2011-11-09T21:38:00.003-05:00

Being a parent can be hard. It seems no matter how hard you try, there is always something you could be doing better.

Tonight Ashton and I were making sentences with his sight word cards. I would pick a word, he shouted out the next word he wanted and we would look for it. Slowly, we built a room full of sentences. "We went to get soup." "Look over there." "It is big."

After a while I set out the word "Mom." Without a second to think he blurted out "Love."

I guess I must be doing something right.

Lesson of the week.

2011-10-26T22:22:00.003-04:00

I realized something this week.

Negative reinforcement comes when children interfere with our world. Positive reinforcement comes when we venture into our children's world.

Maybe I need to restructure my time.

School and friends.

2011-10-26T22:14:00.003-04:00

Ashton: Mom, if I didn't go to school, could I still play with my friends?
Me: You mean, if you stopped going to school, would you still be allowed to see your friends there?
Ashton: Ya.
Me: Well, yes. Are you thinking about dropping out?
Ashton: Yes.
Me: Well, you would still be able to see your friends. But if you didn't go to school you wouldn't have met them and there are a lot of other friends you wouldn't ever meet. Besides, do you want to learn how to read?
Ashton: Ya.
Me: Do you want to learn how to do math?
Ashton: Ya, but I already am a good scientist.
Me: Scientist?
Ashton: I mean, artist.
Me: That's true, but even artists go to school. They go to school and practice a lot. That's how you become a true artist.
Ashton: Oh. OK. But I'm a really good artist already.
Me: Yes you are. Now go to sleep.

Accessorizing!!!

2011-10-10T09:15:00.002-04:00

My little 11 month old loves to drape things around her neck and cruise around with it for the day. This is her new necklace/scarf/accessory thing she found this morning.

OH, and if you notice the cut on her forehead... her brother was nice enough to open the front door for her while she was leaning against it. He was just paying it forward though, because that's exactly how he loosened up his front tooth a couple of years ago.

Groundings.

2011-08-27T18:10:00.003-04:00

Me: Ashton, we are going to have dinner at my boss's house, so I need you to be good.
Ashton: OK
Me: I'm serious, Ashton. If you throw a tantrum, we may need to ground you for life.
Ashton sits up suddenly.
Ashton (in a very serious voice): For life?
Me: Well, probably not for life, but maybe for a week or two. Does that sound OK?
Ashton: Good.
Aukai: But Ashton, the better thing would be to not throw any tantrum, then you don't have to be grounded.
Ashton: OK
Me: And Ashton, what should your punishment be if you throw a tantrum like the one you threw in Target the other day?
Ashton: Grounding for life? (If there is any question, this would really be a fair punishment.)
Me: Well, maybe not for life. Maybe just until college. Does that sound good?
Ashton: Yeah.
A few minutes later:
Ashton: Isaac, you need to get ready because we are going to one of Mommy's MASTERS' house for dinner.

Onions

2011-07-06T18:57:00.003-04:00

Isaac: "Mom, are we in the North or the South?"

Me: "Well, I think we are technically in the North, but we are right on the border. During the Civil War many families fought against each other because some sided with the North and others from the South."

*Isaac shows me the cover of his book, Civil War on Sunday . . . one of the Magic Treehouse series.

Isaac: "Oh, so we were the "Onion" soldiers."

Me: "The Onion soldiers?"

Isaac: "Yeah." He points to the word, "Union." "Uhn-ion soldiers."

Me: "Actually, that is pronounced, 'Union,' but that would be awesome if that we were really called the Onions."

Isaac: "Yeah, it would be."

If you are in need of a good laugh . . .

2011-06-26T22:43:00.000-04:00

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/play_full.php?play=439&act=2

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T14:33:00.011-04:00

To this man . . . .

This amazingly hot man . . .

A superhero of sorts . . .

A liberated man . . .

Who through hard work . . .

And endurance . . .

Always keeping to the grindstone . . .

But still keeping things chill . . .

Has become the world's best dad . . .

And remains my favorite man.

Happy Father's Day Aukai!

Tangled

2011-06-11T22:51:00.004-04:00

Many people have some physical feature that becomes iconic. For Frida Khalo it was her bushy eyebrows and braids. Harry Potter has his scar. For me, it has become my curly hair.

I used to straighten my hair everyday because, you see, at the turn of the century curly hair was a flash-back to the 80's. Definitely not cool. Then came the day that I threw convention aside, switched roles with my husband and flew my family to New York for medical school. I quickly realized that the humidity and my busy schedule made flat-ironing impractical. So I started letting my hair go curly, but it has meant more to me than that. In a funny way, I feel it now embodies my personality . . . the side I usually try to hide from people. Tousled, disorganized, anxious, free-spirited, and even a bit rebellious at times, I find myself secretly satisfied at the defiance of rocking curly hair next to all of my straight-haired counterparts.

With this in mind, however, it is no surprise that I straighten my hair at times when I'm feeling particularly insecure.

As I sat flat-iron in hand, I heard Ashton crawl out of bed. He lay down next to me and, with a bit of attitude, said, "What are you doing THAT for?"

"I'm using this to make my hair straight."

"The other way looks better," he retorted.

With a bit of annoyance in my own voice I answered, "You think so?"

"Why do you EVEN HAVE that thing?"

"Ashton, I've had it for years. I used to straighten my hair all the time."

There was a pause. "Why didn't you buy a PINK one?"

"Because this is the only color they had . . . "

With all of his sass, at least I know he loves the "real" me. :)

All-American Family

2011-05-16T00:04:00.002-04:00

To appreciate this post, you must understand one thing. When most people hear Aukai's name for the first time, they think there is an "L" in it (Alkai).

With Osama Bin Laden's death came a lot of news about Al-Qaeda. Ashton listened to it intently, and then, in a worried voice, turned to Aukai and said, "Daddy, you're American aren't you?"

Don't worry Ashton. You're father is not being hunted by the American Government.

Of note, this almost topped the time my home teacher was worried that my "Visa" had gone bad. Apparently, he thought I was from Switzerland. Oh yes, I was just as confused as you are.

All I want for Christmas is . . .

2011-04-30T21:05:00.006-04:00

Yup, Isaac is loosing teeth. Four since Christmas. The toothfairy has been generous. However, due to inclement weather, her last installment had to be by direct deposit.

We love you Isaac.

6 months already?

2011-04-30T20:37:00.005-04:00

6 months ago you were only a dream . . .

and now I can't remember what life was like without you.

I love the way you cackle when we kiss your neck.

I love the way you look to see if we are watching when you try something new.

I love the way you focus on a toy right before placing it in your mouth.

I love the wild look you get when playing with us, the way your eyes twinkle and the way you already have some of your daddy's mischief.

I love how you light up when I come home . . . and how you tell me off if I don't immediately come to pick you up.

I love the way you smell, the softness of your hair and and the way you curl up into the perfect little ball when cuddling.

I love you Emery Rose.

Sheer genius.

2011-04-09T23:09:00.002-04:00

Aukai and I love shopping at thrift stores, Craig's List, and the like. We love it because it makes us feel eco-friendly. We love it because we are cheap. We love it because we discover wonderful gems like this:

This will DEFINITELY be in our next double-wide.

All in a day's work . . .

2011-03-29T21:07:00.003-04:00

1. Forgot my stethescope on my cardiology rotation. 2. Showed a refugee how to use the elevator. 3. Watched my kids' pediatrician get yelled at by a patient's family. 4. Consulted one of my mentors for what turned out to be a completely normal neurology exam. 5. Took a sample of what is probably curdled milk to pathology for evaluation. Got lost in the adult hospital in the process. Remembered how much I HATE adult hospitals. 6. Came home feeling very grateful that I have 3 wonderfully healthy children.

What if . . .

2011-02-11T22:24:00.006-05:00

I cannot express the awe I feel as I look at my daughter. I think that is normal for any mom, but for some reason, I feel it heightened this time around. I am amazed by her beauty, by the happiness she shares with us, by each normal milestone she achieves.

I had an appointment with my OB today. I thanked him again for his participation in Emmy's birth and he looked at me. A shadow crossed his face. "Thank you," he said. "I wish it could always be that happy." Then breaking the moment of understanding between us, he pasted on a smile and said, "But luckily, it's happy more often than not."

Is it wrong to be happy when surrounded by such saddness? Is it wrong to be sad when surrounded by such joy? Perhaps I will contemplate these questions another night. For now, I will enjoy smelling my baby as I rock her to sleep.

Fresh Air

2011-02-09T21:27:00.003-05:00

I gently rotated her chubby fingers as I examined her hand.
"Were you brave when they put in the IV?" I asked
"No, I wath not bwave. I cwied. But then it wath done, and then I wath bwave . . . can I see my pictuwe of the coin I ate?"

Thank goodness for healthy children.

In Memory

2011-02-03T21:14:00.007-05:00

It is a funny thing working in a children's hospital. There are a lot of ups as you see children get better, develop tender relationships and feel that you are becoming 'their doctor.' There are also a lot of downs as you see children get worse, get cussed out by families and realize how much you still don't know.

And then there are the days that you cry. You cry for the kids and you cry for the families that are left behind. But in the end you get through it because, hey, these are "sick" kids, and "sick" kids are inherently different from healthy kids. They have to be. If you saw your own daughter or nephew in every kid that came in, you wouldn't be able to get through the day.

But then comes a moment when tragedy strikes, and it isn't a "sick" kid. It is one of your own clan. The daughter of a doctor or son of a nurse. Someone that you know. Someone like you.

And suddenly the hospital falls silent. And I cry again, but this time it is not for the family or the child, although I hurt for them deeply. This time it is for myself.

You see, I make my children wear their seatbelts and eat their vegetables. I am neurotic about helmets, make sure they get all their vaccines and only leave them with people that I trust explicitly. But in the end, it may not matter. Because God or life or whatever you want to call that Great Other "happens." And all it leaves you with is a great void. And there is nothing that I can do about it.

So in memory of someone who was loved very much, please give a child, healthy or sick, a special hug tonight. Not out of fear, but out of gratitude simply that you can.

Happy 1/2 Birthday Isaac

2011-01-25T23:00:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is Isaac's 1/2 birthday. Since he has a summer birthday, we are sending in treats for him at school. Before going to the store, Aukai sent him upstairs to pow-wow with me about what he should bring. I suggested "scooby snacks" and he replied, "Well, my friend's mom stayed up all night making cupcakes."

You have got to be kidding me!

To his credit, he was very understanding when I explained that I am sick and wouldn't want to get his friends sick, so there would be no cupcake making for our family. Way to have a good attitude Isaac! We settled on scooby snacks and gogurts strapped together with silly bands.

Happy half-birthday kid. We love you.

Intern Blues

2011-01-25T05:03:00.003-05:00

What do you get when you combine nursing with intern year?

Apparently, it's shingles and strep throat . . . at the same time! The irony is that of the many common communicable diseases and rashes, Strep is the only one that I don't remember being exposed to recently. And you don't "catch" shingles.

12 hours on antibiotics and my T is still 100.5 on tylenol. (101 is a "true" fever.) Oh well. At least my tonsils are somewhat recognizable. :)

Grampa Moose

2011-01-12T20:38:00.003-05:00

Isaac: Mom, did you know Grampa Moose?
Me: No, who's Grampa Moose?
Isaac: Well, maybe you aren't the right age?
Me: Right Age? Is Grampa Moose something from school?
Isaac: No, Grampa MOOSE. Cassandra told us about him.
Me: Who's Grampa Moose?
Isaac: He died because people smoked around him.*
Me: Oh. You mean Great Grampa GOATES.
Isaac: Yeah. Well, Moose/Goat, they both have horns.

*GG Goates died with cancer in his lungs. We don't know whether it was lung cancer or cancer that spread to the lung, but popular theory is that he got lung cancer because he was constantly surrounded by cigar smoke at work.

Panic

2011-01-07T17:47:00.003-05:00

Two nights ago, I heard the emergency alarm go off. Accompanied by 5 nurses, I ran to the room of one of my favorite patients, a teenage boy who has been here for weeks for neurorehab. There he sat on his bed, not looking a bit distressed.
We ask what he needed, and he used broken words to tell us he couldn't get the video player to work. I laughed and suggested that next time he press the nurse call button. He said he did, but nobody came. So he pressed the emergency alarm.

Now THAT is a true emergency. :)

48 hours of my life . . . Back to Work

2010-12-23T12:42:00.004-05:00

This one goes out to my Aunt Cassandra who asked me to blog about my life at the hospital.

So if anyone wondered what my first real day back was like . . .

21:00 -Try to go to sleep. Emmy is restless and wanting to eat.

22:00 - Emmy is finally sleeping. I cry at the thought of leaving her the next morning.

03:30-5:00 - Emmy decides to start sleeping well. I stay awake anticipating her waking with every grunt and stir.

5:15 - Glare at my alarm as it goes off.

5:45 - Check my email and find that the overnight team tried to call to sign out new patients as the census on our floor has exploded.

5:50 - Go to pump the milk Emmy decided not to drink overnight and find that the cord on my pump has shorted out.

6:00 - Pull out of my driveway.

6:25 - Ride the elevator up 12 floors and get signout on several new patients.

6:45 - Realize I have forgotten all my passwords. Call Aukai and have him email my password cheat sheet.

6:55 - Finally log onto the computer. Go to introduce myself to my new patients.

8:05 - Run down 7 flights of stairs to find a lactation consultant and beg for some adapters for the hospital breast pumps. Realize that I left all of my bottles on the 12th floor.

8:20 - Run up 7 flights of stairs.

8:25 - Ask my senior if 8:30 rounds are really going to start on time. She assures me that they are and I groan as I realize I don't have time to pump.

8:45 - 8:30 rounds start 15 minutes late.

10:30 - My friend looks at me and subtly asks if I need to pump. I nod, and then look down to find that milk has leaked through my nursing pad, bra and scrub top.

11:00 - Rounds end.

11:15 - Inform my senior that I have to go pump, and run down 7 flights of stairs.

11:30 - The bag I am pumping into falls and milk spills all over my lap and chair.

11:45 - Run up 7 flights of stairs.

12:00 - A patient walks in to wish the nursing staff Merry Christmas. I recognize him as someone who could barely lift his thumbs earlier this year.

12:30 - Walk in late (again) to noon conference.

13:00 - Go up 12 flights of stairs.

13:30 - Realize that what I thought was the photocopy of an admission note from overnight was in fact the original. Cross out the many notes I have taken on it and hang my head as I place it in the patient chart. *sigh*

14:00 - Frantically check labs and make phone calls.

15:00 - Informed by nurse that I must move my milk to a special fridge set aside for breastmilk. Shake my head at the irony of putting my baby's food in a fridge labeled "BIOHAZARD."

16:00 - Afternoon rounds. Half way through my male attending asks if I am breastfeeding and if I have found time to pump. He informs my senior that I must pump every four hours and will probably need her to take my pager. I don't know whether to be embarrassed or to kiss him.

16:30 - Afternoon rounds end. Start a new list of tasks.

16:45 - Transfer a patient to the PICU and run down three flights of stairs to find an intern who can show me how to use the new discharge set-up.

18:30 - Aukai calls. He has found a cord that will work for my pump. Take an elevator down 12 flights of stairs to grab it from him. He asks me if I have time to eat dinner with them. I look at my sweet children, give them kisses, and say "no" as I run back to the elevator.

18:40 - Cry as I take the elevator up 12 flights of stairs. Run to the call room to pump again.

19:00 - Back to work.

20:00 - Push ativan on a seizing kid.

23:00 - Listen to a new baby crying across from the call room. Cry as I think about Emmy and then remember what Aukai told me: "Just be grateful your children aren't the ones in the hospital."

23:30 - Pump and update sign-out.

01:00 - Pump and lie down. Lay awake in bed for 1 hour before dozing to sleep..

02:30 - Get a page to check on a patient.

03:30 - Lay back in bed.

05:30 - Alarm goes off. Shocked at how much sleep I have gotten and wonder if my pager is really working. No overnight admits? That is unheard of for me! Pump and then go to start printing off sign-out.

06:20 - Start updating my colleagues about overnight events.

08:00 - Call a pediatrician about a patient who was discharged the prior night. Leave multiple messages.

09:00 - The pediatrician who I called pages my senior, livid that she hasn't heard anything about the patient who was just discharged. *sigh* Slip out and use different messaging options until I finally get through. Apologize profusely.

10:30 - Sign-out ends. Start discharge paperwork for those who will be leaving over the next 24 hours.

11:30 - The child who couldn't speak a week ago suprizes us by tolerating juice and crackers.

13:00 - Give up on finishing the paperwork and finally sign out for the day.

13:15 - Reminded by attending that I was supposed to be out of the hospital by 13:00. Sigh and tell him, "That's assuming I didn't get here 30 minutes early yesterday." Pump.

13:40 - Finally step outside the hospital, late, again.

14:10 - Step into the house. Give Emmy and Ashton a kiss on the head before putting my scrubs directly into the washer and jumping in the shower.

15:30 - Watch a movie with Ashton and Emmy while Aukai takes Isaac to violin.

14:15 - Emmy and I go down for a nap.

16:00 - Aukai grabs Emmy and I keep sleeping.

19:30 - Wake up to help Aukai put the boys to sleep and spend some time with Aukai and Emmy.

21:00 - Emmy goes to sleep. Start getting ready for bed.

Pouty Emery

2010-12-23T09:30:00.003-05:00

Love this picture Holly took of Emery on her blessing day. She

was fed up with being photographed.

Happy

2010-12-19T11:52:00.002-05:00

Emmy laughed for the first time yesterday. I was holding her while working on something, looked down and saw a big smile on her face. I smiled and said, "Hi Sweetheart!" and she laughed. So happy I got to see it. :)

Comfort

2010-12-15T22:01:00.002-05:00

While making lunch I heard Ashton say this:
(In the typical sing-song voice he uses with Emmy) - "Mommy has a knife, but don't worry Emmy. She's not going to cut you. She is cutting a tomato. I picked it . . . "

Isaac: "Mom, next time we have art I get to bring home my pinch pot!"
*Emmy startles and cries as Isaac runs up and yells this in her face*
Isaac: "Oh, I bet she got scared because I said the word 'Pinch.' She probably thinks the pot pinches or holds pinches. It doesn't really pinch Emmy."

Em and Ash

2010-12-14T13:51:00.001-05:00

So, once again, Ashton insisted on posing with Em. They make a pretty cute pair. : )

Dreamy

2010-12-12T18:25:00.004-05:00

So, seeing as the upstairs is done, I finally, for the first time, on my third kid get a NURSERY! That means, for the first time, I get to think about really decorating a nursery. :) The fact is, the "nursery" is really going to be a place to keep all of Emmy's baby stuff and will double as a guest room until she is about 2, but hey, I can still have fun, right?

Cruising the web I ran into this dreamy set by Serena and Lily. We found a BEAUTIFUL hardwood daybed at an estate sale that Emmy will graduate to. I love this color and think something like this white Ruched Quilt would look fabulous next to the dark wood Something like this citrine with a bubble gum pink and red?

The designer included this custom applique with the set. The bird is a wonderful touch.

On another twist, I still cannot get over this room. I apologize that I cannot remember where I found the image, but I LOVE this eclectic design. .(Mom, can we say "Bohemian tendencies?") I wonder where I could find a rug like that . . .

Catching Up.

2010-12-12T11:34:00.012-05:00

The past couple weeks have been filled with . . . well . . . a lot.

1. My wonderful twin sister came out with her ADORABLE (and HUGE) 4 month old son! Being the amazing person that she is, she single-handedly took us from utter chaos to organized (or at least as organized as she could get us in 2 days). We enjoyed showing off the botanical gardens and our favorite place to eat, a local Russian restaurant called D'vin. It was very hard to say goodbye!

2. After eight hard months of work, Aukai has finally completed the upstairs . . . or at least enough for us to live in. (Pics to follow) :) The carpet came in the day after Holly got here so she helped us move. The boys are finally out of the family room and in a real room of their own! With a DOOR! It feels a lot like I imagine Emmy feels when we unswaddle her each morning.

3. My parents came out and we had a wonderful visit. The boys enjoyed a full week off school, filled with spoiling. Remarkably, they still seem to be the sweet boys I knew 1 week ago. :) My dad came with a whole list of things he wanted to do, including seeing the arch and about 5 places to eat, most of which Aukai and I hadn't tried before. Yum. :)

4. Emmy was blessed at church.

5. Emmy started smiling (socially) about 2 weeks ago, but has really kicked it up this week. She had her first real tears 3 weeks ago. She is holding her head well, tracking, regarding faces and is very social. We took her to a pediatric neurology party last night, and everyone commented on how she is calm, very alert and developing well. It means something special when peds neuro people say that. :)

6. I went back to work on Wednesday. I think I cried for a full week in anticipation. Fortunately they put me back on clinic, so I don't hit the full swing of things until after Christmas. It helps that I know she is left with the most awesome dad in the whole world.

7. Isaac has been cracking me up lately. He is so articulate that sometimes I forget he is only 6.

a.Last week, Holly asked him if he wanted some mashed potatoes. He looked at her, confused, and said, "What's a potato?" (We don't eat them much). Holly explained that it was a vegetable that grew in the ground like a turnip or carrot. He thought for a second and said lightly, "No thanks, none for me today."

b.Isaac has had a bad cough, one that has caused him to throw up several times in the past couple weeks. After returning from Ted Drews, I heard *cough, cough, cough* *pause* *gag, sputter*.

"Isaac, are you OK?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm OK. I thought I might throw up, because I felt it come up in my throat. But then I swallowed. And guess what. It didn't taste bad because it was ICE CREAM!"

Silly boy. :)

8.. Holly surprised us by giving us a new lens for our camera! I am still trying to get used to it, but here are a few of my first attempts:

Loved

2010-11-30T21:44:00.003-05:00

As I was rocking Emery to sleep, Ashton curled up close, kissed her on the top of the head and whispered, "Emmy, you're a love-a-bug." in her ear. He stood up then curled back down and whispered, "That means you're loved."

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T21:51:00.006-05:00

Isaac's Family Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. I mean, no (giggle), not thank you for this day. Thanks for this THANKSGIVING day. Thank you for the FAT TURKEY. Thank that we could watch Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

That pretty much sums it up. :) Here are a few pics from our Thanksgiving Day:

Today was a landmark for our family. It was our first Thanksgiving alone. Not our first Thanksgiving without extended family, but our first Thanksgiving with just us, and it was wonderful, especially as we have so much to be thankful for! Emery is four weeks old today. A few days ago, I walked into the living room just as Emery was waking. In a few minutes, she was surrounded by three boys and myself all making silly faces and wishing her a good morning. It is wonderful to see how much the boys love her!

Holidays have become more fun because Isaac and Ashton are starting to really 'get' holidays and tradition. The boys have spent the past several days singing morbid songs about how awful it is to be a turkey in November and just about peed their pants when we pulled the turkey out of the oven. Isaac, of course, had to analyze the anatomy of the turkey and give us a survey of which parts had been removed and what was present in each layer as Aukai cut the turkey.

I did learn, one big reason why people do Thanksgiving in groups; it means they don't have to cook as much! Considering we have a new baby, the kids were off school yesterday and Aukai spent about 14 hours yesterday working on the upstairs, Thanksgiving dinner was quite the feat. So, I have to brag for a moment. Here is a glimpse of our Thanksgiving feast:

-Honey brined turkey - for those of you in Rochester, yes this is Wegman's recipe :)

-Homemade cranberry sauce

-Stovetop stuffing (hey, you have to cut corners somewhere)

-Mandarin salad with homemade dressing

-Cranberry fluff fruit salad

-Rolls

-Mashed potatoes and gravy

-Baked sweet potatoes

-Homemade pumpkin pie (made from freshly roasted pumpkin)

-Sparkling grape juice

We even pulled out the china for the first time with the boys. Isaac looked at me flabbergasted and said, "I didn't know we had those dishes!" They really enjoyed having a fancy dinner with fancy goblets. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-23T16:47:00.000-05:00

Bath Time

2010-11-18T22:20:00.002-05:00

Emery's cord stump fell off on Monday (3 days ago). Ashton was so excited, he grabbed it and ran upstairs to show Aukai. I was excited because I no longer have to answer repeated questions about what it is and why she has it.
Better yet, Emery was finally able to get her first real bath yesterday! Not quite sure what to think, she spent most of the time wearing the purse-lipped stare she dons when really focused (bottom pic).

Dolled up part II

2010-11-18T22:08:00.000-05:00

All dolled up

2010-11-18T22:07:00.000-05:00

And a few more.

2010-11-18T21:54:00.000-05:00

This is the outfit Emery came home in, courtesy of my Aunt Cassandra. Didn't get any good photos of her in it at the time, so these are to make up for it. :)

One more.

2010-11-18T21:48:00.001-05:00

If only I had a more steady hand. *sigh* I love this photo anyway. :)

Ashton and Emery

2010-11-18T21:47:00.000-05:00

Fancy that.

2010-11-18T20:04:00.003-05:00

I was looking through pics of rooms with Isaac. He excitedly gawked at the various photos. About 1/3 of the way through he said, "Oh that one! I really like that one. I think I really fancy the light."
"Isaac, did you just say 'I FANCY that light'?"
"Yup."

OK. Well then. I guess that's the new lingo? Either that or my Britt genes are really paying off.

On the flip side, Ashton has become quite the fashionisto, at least when it comes to Emery. He insisted she where a dress today, and later woke her up "because I had to fix her bow." Oh Ashton.

Ashton and Kindergarten

2010-11-12T17:42:00.003-05:00

Ashton came to me this morning with the following announcement:

Ashton: Mom, I need 3 shots today.
Me: Oh really, you want three shots. You don't need any shots.
Ashton: No Mom, REALLY, I need three shots.
Me: Whatever for.
Ashton: I have this allergy that makes it so that I can't do secret codes and something else.
Me: Well that is a problem, and what was the other thing.
Ashton: It makes it so I can't eat ANYTHING.
Me: Well that will make you hungry.
Ashton: Yeah, and guess what else, the three shots will count for KINDERGARTEN, so I can go to Kindergarten after I get the shots.

A month ago, our pediatrician told Ashton that in order to go to Kindergarten, he will need 3 more shots. Translation in Ashton's mind, "Once I get three more shots, I can get a cool backpack and go to school on the bus with Isaac!" He hasn't stopped asking about the shots since. He had to have his CBC checked last month and announced that "This is one of the shots for Kindergarten. Now I only need two more!"

Fast-forward to this afternoon during our parent-teacher conference at his preschool. Cognitively, he is right on target. He is doing great with his gross motor skills, struggles a bit with writing, but is overall doing great. He has already met most of the milestones necessary to start Kindergarten. So what is the concern? His overall readiness to sit still in a class of 20+ kids. He is a bit, umm, distractable. He likes to daydream, requires frequent reminders to stay on task, and is always curious and taking in the entirety of his surroundings. (Those who know me well would say he didn't fall far from the tree.) Sounds like a typical 4 1/2 year-old boy, right? Exactly, but that is a problem when you turn five 1 month before the deadline, and you are the only typical just-turned-5-year-old in your class.

When I moved into St. Louis, I learned about a trend to keep younger kids back a year before starting school. Initially, I thought this was ridiculous. The deadline here is almost 2 months earlier than in NY, and why would you hold a kid back from the opportunity to learn? The flippant answer that I was initially given was "for sports." Sports?!?! Are you kidding me? Then I spent the last month on a rotation analyzing children's development. For part of this, I spent a morning at a daycare discussing and observing the normal developmental progress of children, including Kindergarten readiness. We talked about how some younger kids may be ready in some ways, but they may be lacking the maturity to sit still and cope with the structure of school. Others may need a little more time to develop cognitive, motor or social skills necessary to be successful. In other words, some kids just need time to be, well, kids. This is especially important in a city where they have full-day Kindergarten, something I believe helps parents with busy schedules, but does our kids a gross disservice.

Perhaps more important is what it will be like to be (in some cases) almost 2 years younger than peers when you're 12 and developing your first sincere crush or 16 and dealing with the pressures of drugs and sex. The teacher who led me through the daycare exercise said that her own son (who she chose to hold back) has since thanked her as he has seen the younger kids struggle with social pressures. It is hard to say no to people when you are smaller, younger, and socially less mature. This could be a problem considering that Ashton (unlike his older brother), sees rules as a convenience meant to be bent according to his immediate needs.

And then I think about Isaac. He is the youngest in his class (He meets the St. Louis deadline by 6 days). He dreaded going to Kindergarten each day, even though his teacher was amazing and it was only a half-day. He is just starting to like first-grade, but that has been a struggle. Why? "It is just TOOO LOOOONG!" His teacher says you can just tell that he is on the young side, meaning he has difficulty completing tasks until the last minute, likes to daydream and needs a little more prodding. I sometimes feel that he missed out on time to develop through play and time at home. That said, he is reading a grade level above his peers and has no behavioral problems. Would he be completely bored if he were still in a Kindergarten class?

Now I could just say my kids have inattentive-type ADHD (a definite possibility considering their genes), or I can accept that they are both trying to hold up to the expectations posed to kids almost a year (and in some cases almost 2 years) older than they are.

So what is a mom to do? Do I defer and give him an extra year to 'just be a kid' at the risk that he will be cognitively bored when he gets to Kindergarten? Or do I push ahead at the risk that he will be socially behind and dread going to school each day?

What would you do?

My Dad, by Ashton and odds and ends.

2010-11-04T15:29:00.004-04:00

1. Ashton filled this survey out at preschool:

My dad has BROWN hair.
His eyes are BROWN.
My dad is 20 years old.
My favorite thing to do with my dad is PLAY VIDEO GAMES.
My dad likes to wear JEANS AND SHORTS.
My dad likes to PLAY POOL.
My dad's favorite food is SPICY THINGS.
I love my dad because HE PLAYS VIDEO GAMES.

2. Ashton just asked me, "Mom, what will Emery be able to do in one week. Talk and what else?"

3. Those who have seen our house know that Aukai is far from a clean freak. That said, there is one thing he is very particular about . . . dishes. This has become painfully evident as I don't believe I've loaded the dishwasher to his specifications once since I've been home more. A couple days ago he said, "Heather, I don't think I'm going to let you do dishes anymore." Isaac walked over, put his hand on Aukai's leg and said, "Dad, everybody is good at different things. Mom is really good at this . . . " *Tries to touch his nose with his tongue.*
Thanks for sticking up for me kid. :)

A few more pictures from that first day with Miss Em

2010-11-03T10:12:00.000-04:00

2010-11-03T09:45:00.000-04:00

Introducing:

Miss Emery Rose Riordan
Born: 10/28/10 at 8:15 PM
Weight: 7 lbs 7.7 oz.
Length: 20 inches

Top 10 reasons life is wonderful right now:

10. I love that, despite my anxiety about an induction, the birth was close to perfect. After 3 hours of pitocin and less then 15 minutes of pushing, I heard her first cries. It felt surreal. I still don't think I worked hard enough to really have a baby!

9. I love that I can finally take a deep breath! I am surprised each time a yawn feels like three normal breaths. I can eat a full meal without feeling nauseated, bend over to tie my shoes and sleep on my stomach! I could go on a run, but I don't think my OB would be too happy with me at this point. :)

8. I love her little baby grunts, the softness of her beautiful dark hair, and her wonderful newborn smell.

7. I love the birthmark above her eyebrow, the milia on her chin, her slight widows peak and every other little quirk that makes her Emery.

6. I love waking up at 1:00 AM to cuddle simply because she wants to play instead of sleep. I love that it has taken me 6 days to get this post up because I can’t bear to put her down.

5. I love breastfeeding again.

4. I love the way the boys want to hold, brush, dress, change, and play with Emery, how they don't understand why she doesn't think they are hilarious, and the way we have to continually remind them why she can't have that cheese, applesauce, yogurt or jaw breaker that they want to share.

3. I love that Aukai really does seem to love her as much as I do, that as he put it "It is hard to quantify love," and the way I feel slightly jealous when it is his turn to hold her.

2. After seeing so many sick babies, I love the reminder that most babies are in fact normal and healthy.

1. I love that it is finally starting to sink in that we really get to keep this healthy and perfectly beautiful little lady!

Parenting advice from Isaac:

2010-10-24T20:08:00.003-04:00

We were outside enjoying a fire. A log broke and scattered ashes around the pit. Aukai pulled on some leather gloves and Isaac asked if he was going to clean up the embers. When Aukai responded "yup" Isaac said, "You're a good dad."
Me: "What makes a good dad, Isaac?"
Isaac: "Oh, you know, someone who takes good care of you?"
Aukai: "Do I take good care of you?"
Isaac: "Oh, yah!"
Me: "How does Daddy take good care of you?"
Isaac: "You know, like right now where he is cleaning up so we don't get hurt."
Me: "Well, that's good." Pause. "Isaac, what makes a good Mom?"
Isaac: "Somebody who helps you with stuff."
Me: "Like what kind of stuff."
Isaac: "Anything, as long as it isn't something you're supposed to do on your own."

What my kids want to be when they grow up . . .

2010-09-11T09:00:00.003-04:00

Isaac was about to get out of the car after church last week, when he stopped, looked out the window and said, "Mom, maybe I won't be a paleontologist when I grow up. Maybe I'll be a stay-at-home dad. That would be fun."

Ashton was showing me a toy he got from the dentist this week. He was very excited about getting to go in TWICE (to get a filling revised). I asked him if he wanted to be a dentist when he grew up (because I am trying to brainwash my kids into NOT going into medicine). He quickly retorted, "No, I think I just want to stay a kid."

Smart kids, eh? :)

The Coolest Guy

2010-09-06T20:28:00.003-04:00

So It's been determined that Jesus is really awesome. An example of a few things he can do: walk on water, swim without getting wet, stand on his head, and push a swing so hard that it goes over the bar. There you have the gospel according to Ashton. I feel spiritually enlightened now, don't you?

C'est la vie.

2010-08-25T22:38:00.003-04:00

Left for work at 6:10 AM. Got home at 8:45 PM. Looking forward to a 30 hour shift tomorrow. After days like this, I embrace Abraham Lincoln's famous words: "I laugh that I may not weep. That is all, that is all."

A few random Isaacisms

2010-08-24T21:38:00.004-04:00

Isaac's first day at school:
*Ring, ring* "Hello."
"Hi, Isaac, this is Mom. How was your first day at school?"
"Oh, it was good!"
"Ya? What was the best part?"
"I got to eat lunch at the cafeteria!"
"That's fun. Did you learn anything in class?"
"Ya! We got to do math for ONE WHOLE HOUR! And then we got to go to RECESS!"
"That's cool. Did you make any new friends?"
"Ya."
"Do you remember any of their names?"
"One was named Isabella, and one was named, oh, I don't remember."
"Well that's fun. Do you think you'll ride the bus tomorrow?"
"Maybe. That would be OK, I guess."

Isaac commenting on our night-time books:
"Mom, I like science books more than story books." Stands up and starts pacing, running his hands through his hair. "Do you know what I think killed the dinosaurs? I think it was a combination of ALL those things. Maybe there was an asteroid, and that killed some of the dinosaurs, and then an ice-age came and . . . " he trails off for the following five minutes, pacing around the room with wide eyes and a focused look on his face.
I've decided he should become a science professor when he grows up.

Isaac's thoughts on peanut butter:
"Mom, I LOVE crunchy peanut butter, because it has peanuts in it. Did you know some people can't eat crunchy peanut butter, because they are allergic to peanuts? Some people can't even eat CREAMY peanut butter because they are allergic to the peanut butter."

And a couple Ashtonism, just for fun:
"Ouch, that wasp just stung me. That kind of hurt." *Pause* "Actually, that REALLY hurt!" Starts running around the playground, crying.

The other night Ashton refused to go to sleep until Aukai turned his pillow over. He has a Scooby-doo pillow that has two sides. The first side has Scooby hiding under his paws. When Aukai turned it over, Scooby had a big smile on his face. Ashton insisted on sleeping on the smiley side.

Pretty in Pink?

2010-06-16T18:28:00.003-04:00

So, one activity I did not mention on Ashton's birthday was spending the afternoon at the doctor's office looking at pictures of "the baby." She is now 14 oz. and very active. Despite the fact that I am admittedly against genderizing colors, the excitement of a girl in the family necessitated a change in background color. :)

Happy Birthday Ashton!

2010-06-15T08:27:00.008-04:00

Today was a big day. I can no longer use Ashton's age to justify thinking about him as a toddler. No, he is now officially a big boy. Those who know Ashton can tell you that he has been 3 going on 10 for quite some time, but now he is 4 going on 20 and as big and mischevious as ever. To celebrate we spent the morning at the zoo and then had a small party with our wonderful neighbors (one of whom is 97!).

Ashton saw a pic of this cake on the cake box and decided that is what he wanted! We had initially talked about putting on sprinkles, but when I pulled them out of the cupboard he looked at me seriously and said, "No, Mom, you're not doing it right." Thanks to Aukai and an emergency trip to the store, we finally got it "right."

Ashton, here are 10 things we love about you:

1. You are very happy and very funny. You love being silly and making other people laugh, and frequently exploit this to try to get out of trouble. You are mischevious, and we always know we're in trouble when your eyebrows go up, your eyes sparkle and you scrunch your nose.

2. You are extremely kind. Whether its lying about Isaac's timeout so he can get out and play or sharing your favorite candy, you love to make others happy.

3. You think you are Isaac's twin. When older kids and kids your age are over, you frequently opt to play with the older kids. When I suggest otherwise, you state, "No, Mom, that's a baby."

4. You love music. When Isaac practices violin, you like to play along using the piano or blocks. This drives Isaac crazy. You make up elaborate songs describing your activities and imaginary worlds about dragons, monsters and aliens. We nicknamed you our 'little bard.'

5. Your favorite colors are green and pink. You love anything sweet, especially ice cream, but also love all fruits and most vegetables. You don't like crusts. You love pizza and will tolerate hot dogs. You love roasting anything over a fire!

6. You have an imaginary friend named Fiona. Fiona has red hair. She can be as tall as a house or as small as a beetle. She can swim in the ocean without having to come up for air. She is always kind and has taught you almost everything you know. Fiona has an infinite amount of money and will always give it to you if you break a favorite toy.

7. You like pretending you can't speak and using gestures to communicate. You do this when you are feeling especially silly or especially grumpy.

8. You know your mom is a sucker. When you get out of bed at night you creep along the walls to reach her before Daddy sees you. You love to cuddle with her in bed in the morning until she gives up going back to sleep and offers you breakfast.

9. You love anything to do with balls or water. You are unusually coordinated for someone who just turned 4. You throw a frisby better than your mom.

10. You are incredibly independent. It is not unusual to find you making your own food, such as lemonade (with a dose of fresh-squeezed lime juice and fresh mint from the garden).

Backyard pics

2010-05-27T23:15:00.004-04:00

After a full week of unpacking, we finally found the slip-and-slide.

I think I forgot to mention the sun room attached to the back of our house.

Aukai bought a lawnmower yesterday using his "veterans" discount at Lowe's. Yay for memorial day! The boys thought his was as exciting as the slip-and-slide . . . well . . . almost.

Pics of House

2010-05-27T22:10:00.010-04:00

As promised, here are some pics of the house. The quality is a bit lacking as I was trying to get them taken before our boxes piled in, but you get the idea.

Street View.

As a side note, our neighbors are wonderful. On the right we have a sharp and spry woman in her late 90's that bribed our children to fall in love with her with a couple boxes of Cracker Jacks. We couldn't have gotten moved in without the help of our neighbor two doors up. On the left is a cheerful woman and her sharp teenage son . . . and two dogs who have adopted our boys into their family.

This was described as the "dining room." It was initially a bedroom, and could still be used as one if you put some French doors between it and the kitchen. Hard to see here, the curtains have a subtle polka dot pattern that I really dig.

This kitchen was truly hip 40 years ago! Harvest gold appliances, dark wood paneling and orange berber carpet (in the kitchen?). The oven was even a self-cleaning over. This was prime time. I can't wait to see what our children have to say about the decor of 2010.

This orange carpet is in AMAZING condition . . . looks like it has only 5 years of wear by our family's standards. It is hard to see, but the walls curve up to the ceiling.

This is one of my favorite details. Leaded glass windows on either side of the fireplace!

I am so happy the tub is white! Even though I am not a big fan of pink, this is probably my favorite room in the house. I love the bubble glass and the architectural arch above the tub!

Interspersed with plain white tile are pieces with flecks of gold. Very 50's era.

Master bedroom.

Stairs going to the attic rooms. The bubble glass adds a lot of character.

Upstairs 1/2 bath.

Aukai calls this the "naughty" pine room. (Bad joke . . . no story behind it . . . REALLY!) I call it the cabin room. I'm not sure exactly what to do with it. While it could make a fun themed room for the boys, it is very dark. I'm thinking about painting it eventually, but that would require sanding, priming and painting oddly shaped cracks . . . big project. We could also drywall, which would allow us to insulate the walls . . . also a lot of work. Any ideas???

This is the other attic room. I adore the antique crystal light cover. Wouldn't it be perfect for a little girl's room? *sigh* Still need to find an OB so I can get that darn ultrasound.

So there you have it. Brownie points for the best remodeling ideas. :)

What's up Doc . . .

2010-05-25T22:21:00.003-04:00

So, since it has been a while . . . how's about a little catch-up.

1. Aukai and I flew down to St. Louis to look for a home. My dear Aunt Cassandra came out to watch the boys and introduced them to gummy peach rings and Winnie-the-Pooh.* Their lives will never be the same.

2. We didn't find a house. I flew home and Aukai stayed two more days to keep looking.

3. Aukai found a house. He sent me pictures and told me to let him know if I wanted it. He didn't tell me he'd already put in an offer.

4. I spent the last two weeks of medical school on surgery. Thanks to the wonderful ladies in student services I finally finished all my paperwork so I could graduate.

5. My sweet parents flew in one week before graduation to help us pack and spoil the boys. Holly came in 2 days before graduation and single-handedly pulled us from utter disaster to packed moving truck. Ashton decided only Holly could wipe his bottom. The boys frequently reminds us that they are two of Holly's favorite people.

6. I caught a horrible cold and spent most of graduation* wondering whether I was hot or cold. Just before I walked, I finally realized that after 24+ years of fighting, I'd finally done it. It was all I could do to hold my composure for the next 30 seconds.

7. We went to dinner with some of the finest people I know.

8. Thanks to the help of the world's best friends and neighbors, our house was emptied, cleaned and painted on time (barely). The boys are still recovering from being torn out of their bed and kicked outside just before the key was due. I cried as we left Whipple Park.

9. We spent the night at Bryce and Zion's home to prevent an accident.

10. The next two days, including my birthday, were spent driving across 5 states.
Aukai gave me the best birthday present ever . . . a home.*

11. I walked into my birthday home and realized how much work was ahead of us. Aukai's parents came and helped us clean, put in a dishwasher and fix a leaky main pipe. Ken shared a motto that has gotten me through the past week: "Other than hard work, there's nothing to it."

12. Isaac decided he wants us to keep the mustard-yellow appliances, is obsessed with the Gateway Arch and has concluded that St. Louis is much hotter than Rochester. Ashton is in love with the dogs next door and spends hours telling them stories about Rochester and our meals. Aukai is busy pulling up carpet, fixing things and researching insulation. I am working hard to find more projects for him to do. We will try to update the blog as we update the house.

*Stay tuned for pics.

What I will miss about Rochester . . .

2010-04-06T19:08:00.005-04:00

About a month ago we had a wonderful snowstorm . . . the best of the season. The trend this year was igloos and snow huts.

One of the best things about Whipple Park is how neighbors always join in. A few days ago we were dying Easter eggs outside. Within minutes, the table was surrounded by girls ages 2 to 10, many of whom had never seen eggs colored before (we have a lot of foreign residents).

Beautiful Ranunculus

2010-04-06T16:24:00.001-04:00

Thanks again Anna. We loved having you over!

C'est la vie

2010-04-05T20:32:00.005-04:00

Spent the morning curled under my "special" blanket on the couch while the boys tossed occasional cuddles as they ran past . Aukai doted on me. I indulged in the anti-folk music of Regina Spektor and the beautiful ranunculus bouquet that my always-thoughtful friend brought for Easter. All-in-all, a wonderful way to spend a crisp, Spring morning. Now, if I could just stop puking . . .

The best marriage advice I ever recieved

2010-03-31T17:43:00.002-04:00

Dave was a perfectionist. The home was no exception. When he complained to his mother that his spouse could not keep the house clean when all she had to worry about was their young children, his mother said this:

"Dave, your wife is far too talented to waste all of her time cleaning up. So if there is a mess, either step over it or clean it up yourself."

Best advice I had as an at-home mother, and now as a working mother with an at-home hubbie. I should have this mounted over my mantle.

In case you wanted to know how my week's been going . . .

2010-03-30T13:41:00.005-04:00

three men. four colds (and a pregnancy). enough said.

Confessions of a sick mommy

2010-03-24T21:26:00.002-04:00

When I was about 6 years old, my aunt made this beautiful orange gingham quilt for my parents' bed . . . which I quickly stole and adopted as my special blanket. Maybe it was my consolation for the fact that I didn't have a bed for about 6 years (don't feel too bad, another aunt bought me a comfy futon to sleep on). Regardless, this blanket has remained one of my prized possessions.

That is until (dun, dun, dun) . . .

Ashton discovered it in my closet.

War has now begun.

At first, you see, I thought it was sweet that he wanted to sleep with my special blanket. It was like lending him part of my childhood. But now things are different. I am sick . . . and throwing up . . . and as pathetic as it is, I WANT MY WOOBY BACK!

Last night while I was puking in the toilet, I spotted Ashton dragging the prized quilt to his room. Mid-vomit, I snapped to attention. "Ashton, what are you doing?"

"I need this blanket to sleep with."

"But Ashton, that's MY blanket."

"But, I need it to sleep with, and you don't need it until it's REALLY night time."

He had a point. So exhausted, I conceded. And once he was blissfully asleep, I snatched it right off of him, put a newer and cleaner blanket over him and curled up in my bed to sleep with my old friend.

Pregnancy sure brings out the best in us.

Here we go . . .

2010-03-23T20:18:00.005-04:00

So it is official! As of Thursday at noon, we are officially going to Washington University in St. Louis for pediatrics, which means we'll be there for a full five years with my neuro years included.

And for the first time it feels real. Like, really real. I am going to be a doctor in 2 months. And the terrifying thing is I won't know anything more than I know in this very moment.

There is an old saying among interns: Don't get sick in July. This is because July is the month all the new interns start working . . . and making mistakes . . . and breaking down in the corridor because they realize they have no idea how to treat that kid in room 3 with a tracheostomy who keeps vomiting blood-tinged sputum.

*sigh*

That said, we are starting to look for housing, and the choices are overwhelming. Do we buy, rent, lease, find a condo, duplex, apartment, house. And how close can we afford to live. And which school districts are good? And which one's are not accredited? How much can we afford? And what are the hidden costs?

That's the strange things about having a real job. You suddenly have to be . . . responsible.

That said, it's been fun looking for housing. I love this small brick cottage:

But also find something charming about this small fixer-upper (about 30,000 less):

Happy Fetus Day . . . 1 week late

2010-03-20T19:43:00.004-04:00

So this post is a week late, but as of last Saturday our little peanut is officially a FETUS. Not a zygote, not an embryo, but an official bonafied FETUS.

Embryo at 7 weeks

Fetus at 9 weeks (today!)

As you can see, the fetus is getting bigger, developing fingers and toes and looking more 'human.' Our family decided that the embryo looked like a baby dinosaur. When we explained that the fetus was loosing his/her tail, Ashton turned to me and in a very serious voice asked, "Mommy, does it hurt when you cut off a baby dinosaur's tail?"

What a cutie. :)

Somebody else.

2010-03-18T09:44:00.002-04:00

Isaac: "Dad, can you get me a drink of water?"
Aukai: "You need to say please . . . wait, you can get your own water."
Isaac: "But I don't want to get my own water. Will you PLEASE get it for me."
Aukai: "Isaac, you're a big boy, you can get it yourself."
Isaac: "But I want you to.
Aukai: "Well, I don't want to get your water and you don't want to get your water, so what are we going to do."
Isaac: (Smiles) "Ask somebody else. Mom, will you please get me some water."
Me: "Isaac I don't want to either, you can get it yourself."
Isaac: (Yelling upstairs) "Ashton, can you get me a drink of water?"
Ashton: "Sure." (We hear water running and the tumbler that had been by my bed stand clinking.
Aukai: "Thank you Ashton, but he needs to get it himself."
Ashton: "OK."

--------
Ashton once again has diarrhea. I went to wipe him this morning and he proudly announced, "Mom, I made Cheetos with my poop!"
Oh dear.

I want more!

2010-03-10T11:36:00.004-05:00

This morning, I woke up to the sound of Ashton on the potty . . . filling it up . . . with loose and smelly you-know-what. I went in to help wipe him and wash his hands. He turned to me and said, "Mommy, my tummy doesn't feel very good." I know how that feels. So after cuddling in bed for a few minutes, we got up and gave him a glass of some very fancy ginger beer I bought to settle my tummy. A few minutes later he bounded up the stairs. I asked if he was feeling better, and if he liked the ginger beer. He nodded with a big smile and announced, "I want MORE diarrhea!"

Yes, we are insane!

2010-03-04T17:57:00.004-05:00

So, I am up at school, throwing stitches in a pig's foot (yes you read that correctly . . . we are practicing for the ED) when my classmate turns to me and asks, "Heather, why are you wearing motion sickness bracelets when the ground isn't moving?"
The same question could be asked about "Why are you eating snacks all through church . . . on fast Sunday, no less?" "Why are you drinking ginger ale constantly during your ED shift?" Or "Why are you allowing yourself to suck on peppermint gum while sleeping?"

There can only be one answer:

I'm pregnant.

And now I remember why it took me almost four years to gear up the courage to do this again . . . and I've decided this is the LAST TIME!

There is great power in the words "LAST TIME." For example, every time I bend over the toilet hurling, I can say with confidence that this is the LAST TIME I will have the 'stomach flu' for 2 months. Or when I begin crying because I finally get to see my kids for the day only to realize that I can't keep my eyes open but to run to the bathroom, I can take comfort in the fact that this is the LAST TIME I will do this.

Two nights ago I kept waking every hour dry heaving. All I could think about was how I was going to make my 7:00 AM shift in the trauma bay if I couldn't try to get some sleep. I kept imaging myself puking into some gaping wound. Finally, I looked at the clock and felt elated that it was 5:30 and I could justify getting up. Suddenly I woke up dry heaving, looked at the clock, and hung my head when I realized it was only 3:30 and I had to try sleeping for another 2 hours.
It's a mad world we live in.

That said, the trauma shift turned out fine. One thing about our ED is that people are generally laid back and personable. And you cannot overestimate the power of distraction!

In seriousness though, we are excited about this pregnancy. The due date is October 23, which is about 4 months into intern year.

We finally told the boys, who took a good 24 hours to start believing us. Ashton has decided that the baby must be a girl because, for the first time in a year, I painted my toe nails . . . a brilliant cherry red . . . and "only girls paint their nails."

What am I afraid of?

2010-03-02T21:18:00.002-05:00

For age is opportunity no less

Than youth itself, though in another dress,

And as the evening twilight fades away

The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

For a great, simple take on agism and America click here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/02/health/02case.html

Adopted?

2010-02-24T13:10:00.003-05:00

Isaac: Mom, Dad, was I adopted?
Aukai: Of course. Can't you tell you look nothing líke us?
Isaac: Cool!!!
Aukai: We're just joking, you weren't adopted. Mommy made you in her tummy. How do you feel about that?
Isaac: Wierd!

Potty Tales

2010-02-18T08:26:00.004-05:00

1. I was at a public restroom with Isaac and my mother. While my mom was using the restroom, Isaac proudly announced to her, "Hey Grandma, that is the same potty I used!"
"Well , it must be a particularly clean potty, then," said his ever-validating Grandma. (Although, I must admit, I didn't quite follow her logic.)
"Oh yes, Grandma. I peed on the seat, but don't worry . . . I wiped it up!"

2. Ashton blocked Grandma into his bedroom and said, "Grandma, you can't leave until you say the secret password."
"Hmm, Ashton is wonderful?"
"Nope, that's not the secret password."
"Ashton is handsome?"
"No, that's not the secret password."
"Ashton is adorable."
"No, that's not the secret password."
"Please?" I chime in.
"No, that's not the secret password."
"Well, what is the secret password, then?"
*chuckles* "Poo-poos-pee-pees."
"Well, I think it should be Ashton is wonderful," Grandma affirms.
"Nope, that's not the secret password."

I had to leave for school at this point. I am not sure how long it took for my proper mother to escape her captor or bend down to saying "Poo-poo-pee-pees." If only I could have enjoyed it longer. :)

A case for vaccination

2010-02-12T12:51:00.008-05:00

So I realized something important yesterday. Vaccines are like airplanes.

I have to be careful here because many of my favorite people have not vaccinated their kids. Why? Because they love their children very much and don't want to do anything to hurt them. There are many theories about the 'badness' of vaccines. Most of them are unfounded 0r disproved (like the autism theory); however, there are also very rare but very real instances of serious complications from vaccines.

I have a friend who is petrified of flying. He climbs, skis, mountain bikes, and kayaks, but you get him on a plane and it takes 3 shots of vodka before he is sloshed enough to sit still. It doesn't take his PhD to know his flight over the Atlantic is much safer than his every-day activities, but he cannot stand the feeling of being out of control should something happen.

The truth is, the risk of developing serious Chicken Pox is much greater than the risk of developing a serious side-effect from the vaccine; riding in a car is much more dangerous than boarding a plane, but few people have phobias of car rides. Just like riding in a car, illness feels familiar. We all know people who have gotten chicken pox, and most of them did fine. Besides, we have medicines, so we can control the outcome, right?

Well . . . kind of. Just like we can try to regain control of a spinning car.

When Isaac was born I did a lot of research on vaccines. I was terrified about knowingly giving him something that had even a small chance of HURTING him. And in truth I felt empowered by the idea of saying 'screw you, I've researched this' to my pediatrician. But in the end I decided to vaccinate because the evidence overwhelmingly showed its importance. Besides, I felt like I was doing something for the greater good. After all, the reason small pox virus is now extinct is because of a simple vaccine. Measles and polio could go the same way . . . if people would just universally vaccinate.

Answer to Yesterday's Riddle

2010-02-09T21:04:00.001-05:00

Question decoding:

1. It fights white blood cells.

2. It gets inside your body.

3. It is really tiny.

Answer: A virus.

(Yes, he came up with this himself. This is the unfortunate side-effect of a mom as an (almost) doctor.)

Can you guess it?

2010-02-08T21:11:00.002-05:00

For show and tell, Isaac brings three clues to help the class guess what his object is.
Here are the clues he wrote (by himself) for tomorrow:

1. It fits whiy blud sels.

2. It gits insid yuur bode.

3. Its rele tine.

Any guesses? (Hint: Tomorrow is "V" day.)

Sigh

2010-02-04T14:51:00.001-05:00

My sister took this pic recently on a cabin trip in Utah. Oh, how I miss the mountains.

Reality Check

2010-02-03T19:23:00.003-05:00

Today I sat through a lecture on military trauma in Iraq. I looked at pictures of children treated for injuries and thought about my conversation with Ashton. He wants a forcefield to protect himself from an imagined danger. These children need a forcefield to protect them from a real danger. The irony made me feel very small.

Ashton's Gift

2010-02-02T21:27:00.002-05:00

As I sat trying to figure out something to do with a rare moment of free time (free time, what is that???), I heard Ashton yelling out, "Isaac . . . . Isaac! . . . Isaac!" I walked in the room and noted Isaac had drifted soundly to sleep listening to one of Ashton's stories. Ashton then turned to me.

"Mom, I have an awesome present for you and Isaac and, well, all the good guys."
"What is that Ashton?"
(whispering) "I have a force field, well actually, I have 9 green force fields, and I am giving them to all the fighting good guys."
"Well that makes me feel very safe."
"AND I have one, and it is the biggest one, and I am the Master of the green force fields."
"I see."
"AND, you know what is hilarious Mom? *chuckles* There are nine cake force fields, and the people that get forced with the force fields, they wear cake hats."
"That is funny Ashton."
"AND Isaac has all the colors of force fields, but I am the Master of the green force fields."
"I see Ashton."
"AND I have a force field for you. Which force field do you want?"
"Well, what colors do you have."
"I have 60 force fields for adult girls."
"What color are they."
"Oh, red, purple, pink."
"I see, do they have a blue one for girls?"
"Yeah. Actually I have a very special one, a dark green one all the way at the end that is for a special adult girl who is named Heather who is a mommy. Are you an adult girl named Heather?"
"I am"
"Then I have a force field for you, so don't forget."
"I won't Ashton."

10 minutes later, I had to cut him off and say goodnight, but what an incredible imagination. I can't wait to see his comic books!

80's or 90's

2010-02-01T16:20:00.002-05:00

OK, so my med school class is having a back to the 90's party, and just out of curiosity I did an Internet search on what "90's" clothes were supposed to look like. I WAS TOTALLY OFFENDED! Somehow, all of the worst trends I associate with the 80's have been assimilated into stereotypical "90's" wear. Granted I graduated in '99, so I was on the late end of the decade, but still.
So I thought I'd turn the question to you all. Which of the following trends do you associate with the 80's and which are truly from the 90's?

-Big bangs, preferably cemented with aqua hairspray.
-Baggy pants
-Hammer pants
-Bright, fluorescent colors
-Those ring things to cinch up the side of a baggy t-shirt
-Hemp jewelry
-Belly shirts
-Overalls
-Grunge
-Hoop earrings
-Long, loose shirts
-Tight, small shirts
-Flannel, preferably tied around the waist
-Stirrup pants
-Leggings
-Tube socks
-Sunflower hats
-High-wasted pants
-Vests over body suits (leotards)
-Layered hair
-Saved by the Bell fashion
-90210 fashion
-Clueless fashion

I'm excited to hear your thoughts. :)

2010-01-31T19:25:00.003-05:00

I've always wondered when my kids would surpass my intellect. Now I know. It was sometime last week when Ashton told me, "Dad! I'm smarter than you!" I'm not sure what that says, but I hope it means I have a genuis for a 3 year-old. :P

Word play and CPS

2010-01-31T14:31:00.003-05:00

My children love making up words.

Sometimes I don't love it as much as they do. For one, they think I should naturally understand them. For two, it leads to ackward situations.

I took Ashton to the bathroom at the Museum of Play. This was our conversation while waiting for him to pull up his pants.

Ashton: "Can I kiss your nose?"
Me: "Sure. " (He kisses my nose)
Ashton: "Can I kiss your cheek?"
Me: "Yes, Ashton." (Kisses my cheek)
Ashton: "Can I kiss your lips?"
Me: "Umm . . . no."
Ashton: "Can I kiss your head?"
Me: "Yes." (kisses me on forehead)
Ashton: "Can I kiss your kiki?"
Me: "NO ASHTON, we DON'T kiss KIKI'S!" Pause "What is a kiki anyway?"
Ashton: "Your nose."
Me: "OK, Ashton, you can kiss my NOSE."

I'm still waiting for the CPS call.

6 ways to tell it is going to be a long night.

2010-01-28T23:35:00.005-05:00

1. Your 3 year-old informs you that he has just pooped his pants.
2. You help him take off his pants, only to find he has diarrhea smeared down his legs and dripping on the floor. You throw away the underwear, wipe off his legs and begin filling the bath.
3. You run downstairs to throw the soiled outfit in the laundry when your five-year old yells that the bath water is overflowing. There are now 2 inches of water on the bathroom floor.
4. You use 3 beach towels to soak up the water and get the kids settled in the tub. You run downstairs and notice that there is now water dripping from your kitchen ceiling onto the linoleum floor.
5. You grab a towel to catch the dripping water in your kitchen and hear your 5 year old screaming, "Ooooo, DISGUSTING!"
6. You run upstairs to find two dripping boys out of the tub and frothy diarrhea floating in the tub.

What is your next move?
A. Tell your 5 year old to get his brother ready for bed.
B. Throw the kids into the washing machine with the outfit.
C. Spray the kids down with Lysol, throw on their pajamas and kiss them goodnight.
D. Calmly remind your poop-o-phobic husband that it is time for your yoga class.

----
I picked choice "D".
Namaste.

Match

2010-01-21T17:05:00.002-05:00

We matched today for Child Neurology at Washington University in St. Louis, MO. We will be sad to leave all the wonderful friends we have made in Rochester, but are looking forward to the warmer weather and opportunities ahead of us.

Potty Terrors and Chocolate

2010-01-19T20:57:00.005-05:00

1. Ashton has a strong preference that I wipe him after he goes potty. *oh joy* To ensure this he has placed several invisible guns in the potty that will shoot Aukai if he tries to wipe him while I am home. Ashton reminds Aukai every time he uses the potty so Aukai doesn't get shot.
For whatever reason all that changed tonight. Isaac came down to inform us that Ashton wanted Aukai to wipe him and that he didn't need to worry because a "bee killed all the guns!"
Ashton then yelled from upstairs on the potty, "And a Candle-osaurus helped too!"
Needless to say, Aukai is much relieved. (And so am I.)

2. Aukai and I just finished a cake we started on Sunday. Isaac thanked me for making "such a yummy cake." He then remembered that he helped and in his best game-show host voice announced, "Thank you Isaac for making this yummy cake!" What a ham.

2010-01-14T17:31:00.002-05:00

I love digging my nose into my boys' soft, fine hair and enjoying the sweet smell of youth. If only I could invent a machine to record smells.

Pickle Anyone?

2010-01-12T11:59:00.004-05:00

-Pickle falls out of Ashton's sandwich.
-Isaac: "Umm, Ashton, could I have that tiny little thing on your plate?"
-Ashton: "What, this BIG thing?" Picks up the pickle.
-Isaac: "That LITTLE thing on your plate?"
-Ashton: "This BIG thing?" Licks pickle.
-Isaac almost jumps out of his chair. "No, that LITTLE thing!"
-Ashton: "This BIG thing?" Puts pickle in his mouth, sucks on it and then pulls it out.
-Isaac: Now beside himself, about to snatch the pickle out of Ashton's hand. "That LITTLE thing!"
-Ashton: "This BIG, BIG pickle?" Ashton takes a nibble.
-Isaac: Despondent. "All right, that MEDIUM thing."
-Ashton: "This big thing right here?"
-Isaac: "Yes, that BIG thing. Can I have that BIG thing?"
-Ashton: Tosses pickle in mouth and chews it up.
---Pause-----
-Isaac: "Hey Ashton, can I have that OTHER BIG thing on your plate?" Points to 1/4 pickle Aukai gave the kids as a side dish.
-Ashton: Chanting. "You need to say PLeee-eeeaSE."
-Isaac: "May I PLEASE have that big pickle?"
-Ashton: "OK, here you go." Gives Isaac the pickle.

I think we might be in trouble when Ashton hits the teen years. :)

Opera in 10 minutes

2010-01-09T00:06:00.001-05:00

My friend Mel introduced me to this video. Just came across it again. Hope you enjoy. ;)

Opera in 10 minutes

Help Please

2010-01-03T17:35:00.002-05:00

So . . . we (meaning Aukai) accidentally just bought 80 songs on e-music. This is great! Except . . . we have three days to pick out 80 songs and are both completely unhip to the current music scene. Any suggestions???? (classical music suggestions also appreciated)

THANKS! :)

Just a few anecdotes.

2009-12-27T22:23:00.002-05:00

1. Ashton's prayer at dinner tonight:

"Thank you for . . . " [Ashton, you forgot the first part]
"Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for this day, thank you for the food, thank you for Lego Starwars pens, thank you for Santa that he came, thank you for the food.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

2. One week ago:

Ashton, referring to the many wonderful goodies our neighbors brought this Christmas, snuck up to Aukai and softly whispered, "Dad, I have a great idea. Let's eat all of the treats right now!"

3. Last week:

While trying to think of an appropriate punishment for Ashton, Aukai asked him, "What should I do with you?" Ashton whispered quietly in his ear, "Leave me alone."

4. During our trip to Pittsburgh:

Isaac announced, "Mom, I think I know why they call it Pennsylvania. I bet everybody writes with PENCILS!"

5. Also during our Pittsburgh trip:

While we were parking our car, Ashton pointed to a nearby house with Christmas lights and stated, "That's my friend's house." [Ashton has many "friends."] When we left he insisted we drive by 3 times to say goodbye to his "friends." Since that time, whenever we see a house with Christmas lights we ask, "Is that you friend's house?" to which he replies, "Oh yeah, that is my friends house!" or when in a more playful mood, simply blurts, "Yup."

6. Last week:

While I was in the shower, Isaac yelled from downstairs, "Mom, Ashton's eating the chocolate chips!" One minute later, when I hadn't done anything, Isaac appeared in the bathroom saying, "Mom, I told Ashton not to get into the chocolate chips and he won't listen to me." I peaked from behind the curtain and saw a mouth covered in chocolate and a hand cradling something dark and gooey. "Isaac, what are you eating?" "Oh," he said sheepishly, "I forgot."

Family Portait

2009-11-23T12:29:00.004-05:00

From the desk of Aukai:

Isaac made this beautiful family portrait for us . . .

and Luke Skywalker cutting off Darth Vader's hand on the left.

. . . I am the one on the left. Here is photographic evidence that, contrary to common opinion, I do NOT have a big head. :)

My family.

2009-11-16T23:29:00.001-05:00

Just a quick photo my sis took while I was interviewing in SLC. Wonderful to see my family. Hard to leave. My sister posted a more dignified photo, but this one is so much more fun. :)

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T23:09:00.002-04:00

Isaac and Ashton posing by their pumpkins . . . except the pumpkins are switched here. Both of the boys wanted angry, scary pumpkin faces. We drew a mock-up on paper and then on the pumpkins before carving them. After finishing his own pumpkin Ashton became distraut because he realized Isaac's had more sharp teeth than his did; but when we put in the candles, he decided his was OK after all.

The boys decided they wanted to be Mario and Luigi for Halloween. Aukai found a simple pattern for the hats and I sewed them together . . . the whole project took about 2 hours and cost about $30, including the shirts. Good pic boys!! :)

Anybody who has lived at Whipple Park knows our delightfully sensitive fire alarms have made the fire truck regular celebrities with the kids. They have since made it a tradition to come and hand out candy to the kids at Halloween . . . I love it!

I'll take her.

2009-10-31T09:26:00.006-04:00

This post has been removed.

Thanks Heather

2009-10-30T09:20:00.002-04:00

I found this blog courtesy of Heather Rigby, courtesy of Wendy Jones, courtesy of I haven't the foggiest whom. It made my day. If you are in the mood for some good old fashioned sarcasm and sacrilege, click here: www.myregisblog.blogspot.com If sacrilege really isn't your thing, I suggest www.lds.org.

NYC - Part III

2009-10-30T08:49:00.002-04:00

The Natural History Museum:
More than anything, I was amazed at the sheer size of this museum, built in a beautiful classically-inspired building. Overall, the museum design was very traditional, which was a little bit of a let-down after the museum at Thanksgiving Point, but it is pretty hard to top a life-size blue whale hanging from the ceiling . . .

Central Park:

My friends kept telling me, "You need to take the kids to Central Park." My first impulse was, "We have parks in Rochester . . . why would I spend the money on a hotel to go to a park here?"

Once we got there I understood why.

People always talk about New Yorkers being cold. We didn't find this to be true. (It's 4:00 AM and I'm lost in NYC. Stop thanking me for choosing your hotel and just tell me where the dang parking garage is.) Adults were quick to start a conversation at the park or train, and the kids were even quicker. Half-way down this slide, I heard this girl yell to Isaac, "By the way, what's your name?"

Isaac and Ashton enjoying a street performance over lunch.

NYC - Part II

2009-10-29T09:14:00.004-04:00

Ellis Island:
You can't go to the Statue of Liberty without going to Ellis Island (You already paid for the ferry ride). By this time in the trip, we were exhausted by long lines and huge crowds, but the kids were still fascinated by small models of old villages while Aukai and I gawked at 100 year-old portraits of immigrants.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

FAO Shwartz:

OK, so there are two awesome toy stores in New York, and while Toys

'R Us does tote a ferris wheel (yes, inside the store), you can't beat the charm of FAO Schwartz (now also owned by Toys 'R Us). It has some of that local toy store feel . . . wrapped into a 2-story, gigantic floor plan.

You know it is our kids because they are crossing the red tape to poke each other with the dragon's tale.

Our favorite part was this giant piano from the movie "Big."

When we got to Batman action figures, Ashton said "Mommy, this is Batman." Then pointing to the Joker he said, ". . . and this guy is Batman's mommy." I'm not sure how I feel about that.

NYC - Part I

2009-10-28T22:30:00.005-04:00

So after living in Rochester for 3 1/2 years, we finally made it to 'the city' for a dear friend's wedding. We had a blast, both at the wedding and during the following days as tourists.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Wedding:

Unfortunately my pics of Anna's wedding didn't turn out (poor camara, low light . . . it happens). Just imagine bouquets in subtle lab glassware, elegant draperies, and killer dance music in a refurbished warehouse. Oh, and Isaac spending half the time dancing with Anna's niece (adorable).

For more info on Anna's Wedding, check out her blogspot: http://doctorwhimsy.blogspot.com/

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The Statue:

The kids were fascinated by the Statue of Liberty . . . and with all the tourist antics. On the way back Ashton saw a guy dressed up as Spider Man . This was his story about it:
"Umm . . . some aliens came down to Earth, and then they saw Spider Man and they said "What the Heck" and then they got in their ship and ran away."

Smart Aliens.

Atlanta

2009-09-15T18:53:00.005-04:00

How do you have fun flying to another city to take an exam? Take your husband and go to the world's largest aquarium the day before.

P.S. Thank you to the Scoresbys and Yermans for watching our boys!!!

My Little Monsters

2009-09-08T12:13:00.001-04:00

Aukai and I just started some sort of creative activity each morning with the boys. This morning they wanted their faces painted as a dinosaur and "dark blue monster." (With Ashton, everything has to be "dark blue.") Isaac and Ashton spent about 5 minutes scaring themselves as they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws. They then went to show off to their sweet friend next door who quite decidedly did NOT want to be painted like a monster.

She's done it again

2009-09-04T10:00:00.001-04:00

Zion made this whimsical 8-layer birthday cake for an eight year old girl. Her parents were out of town getting medical treatment for her brother, so Zion wanted to bring her an extra-special surprise. The flavor is white cake with raspberry syrup and milk chocolate truffle. Each layer of cake is a different color inside.
Zion had lots of helpers. Two friends came in the morning to learn how to make cakes. I came in the afternoon to help with the best part: rolling fondant and decorating the cake. Thanks Zion!

Peach Picking

2009-09-04T09:42:00.000-04:00

Last week, Aukai went on a 50 mile bike ride with the scouts, leaving the boys and I home alone. What's a girl to do? Grab her two wonderful neighbors and go peach picking, of course. We had a blast, and the boys LOVED having their friends along. Unfortunately, my camara died after only a few of pics, but here are some that turned out well:

Classic Isaac

2009-09-04T09:16:00.000-04:00

Grandma gave Isaac a compendium on insects, affectionately known in our house as "the bug book." Isaac LOVES the bug book. He poors over it and stays up at night looking at the pictures.
Isaac now knows more about bugs than I do. He loves repeating, in his best super-hero voice, phrases like "Mom, this bug is the Master of Disguise!" or "This spider is an eight-legged shredding machine." Move over batman . . . it's pretty hard to top that.
A few days ago, Aukai was eating lunch with the kids when Isaac ran to the screen door and yelled something to our neighbors. Yesterday, we found out why.
After a grasshopper narrowly escaped the up-close-and-personal inspection of our little friends, their mommy explained that the grasshopper "flew away." This launched a heated debate about whether grasshoppers jump or fly. Suddenly Isaac swung open the screen door, mouth full of PB&J, and yelled, "Actually, some grasshoppers can fly!" He shut the door and ran back to finish his sandwich. That's Isaac for you . . . ridding the world of injustice and, umm, misconceptions about bugs.
As Annie said: "It was just classic Isaac."

Exercise partner

2009-08-18T09:27:00.003-04:00

I (Aukai) went on a run this morning with Ashton because everyone else in my family was asleep. It started out with me asking him if he wanted to go on a run, to which he replied yes. His yes, however, meant that he run with me and not in the running stroller. Since I can run a little faster than his 3-year-old legs will take him I was forced to negotiate. So we took a scooter ride around the block first and then we went on our run, after which he would run outside of the stroller.

When we got back, I took him out for the cool-down walk afterwards and let him know that it was his turn to run. So he walked; and about halfway through he wanted me to carry him. I didn't feel like it, so we played the walking, walking, hop, hop, running, and stop game on the way home. When we got home I needed to stretch on the grass in front of our house, and during my stretching he wanted to sit on my lap. I gave in after I suggested that he sit on his own lap and he put me in my place by informing me that he doesn't have three laps but I do. It is somewhat difficult to stretch with a little kid climbing on you as you try to think up ways to distract him so you can actually get some good out of it; but it sure was cute.

2009-07-29T21:22:00.006-04:00

I met Death yesterday.

He was nothing like you see in the movies. He did not wear a hood or carry a seive. Nor did he wear the face of an aged man gasping for air. No, yesterday he chose to meet me in a baseball cap and high tops. As if embracing the irony he laughed. I breathed it in, tried to cleanse my soul of the truth that was coming.

He was taken for a walk "so he doesn't have to listen." I watched his parents hand the doctor his living will. She read it out loud: "Do not resuscitate, do not intubate, no antibiotics . . . " And then the questions. Will he be able to start swallowing better? Will he be get out of his wheelchair? Are there any more tests? Any more medicines?

And as I stood and listened to talk about comfort care and autopsies his father looked at me, the black fly in the corner, as if to plead for some sense of doubt. I closed my eyes, trying to pretend he wasn't calling out for something, anything to save him from this nightmare. Because I didn't want my eyes to lie.

Death doesn't come to torture the dying. We have medicines to treat pain, nausea, breathlessness. Death comes to torture the living. And as I watched this man pound his fist against the wall and sob, all I could think of was the silence that would fill his 6 AM breakfast when it was no longer interupted by a child's desire to spend a few minutes with Dad.

Toe Tales

2009-07-27T21:29:00.009-04:00

So I'm sitting there minding my own business when this 11 year old toe-head boy comes up to me and says:

"Excuse me Maam, but did you know your toes are stuck together?"

Now apart from the fact that I resent being old enough to be called "Maam," there was the potential for so many ridiculous responses:

1. You know, thanks for pointing that out, I'd never noticed that I my toes are fused together.
2. Yup, I had the doctor do that so that I could swim better. I almost swam in the Olympics, but they disqualified me based on the operation.
3. I know I'm a freak, just leave me alone!

But instead I smiled politely and said, "Why yes, I did know that."

The smile spread to his face as his mom explained that he had the same thing and was starting to feel self-conscious about it. So I had him bust off his shoes and show me. Sure enough, we matched.

I explained to him that it is called incomplete simple/soft-tissue syndactyly and that about 1 in 200 people have it. Many people in my family bear these toes and it has become a source of "Mead pride." At the age of 4, my twin sister and I were shocked to learn, after arguing with our friend, that we were the "freaks" and not she. I learned at about his age that I could have an operation to separate them, but couldn't understand why I would want to.

Most importantly, I counseled him to severely mock anybody who thinks they were the first person witty enough to ask "Can you swim better?" to which he sincerely and quickly replied, "But I can! I swim so much better!"

That's fine. Whatever helps you embrace your identity, Kid. In the mean time, I'll keep embracing mine, even if I do sometimes wonder what it would feel like to spread my toes out wide.

Fun in the rain.

2009-07-23T21:55:00.004-04:00

This has been the wettest summer of my life. There have been only rare days where we haven't gotten at least some rain here in Rochester. By some rain, I mean sudden-onset thunder with a blanket of water. It is exhilarating.

Round 1: Today, after spending 1/2 an hour changing out of my work clothes, getting the kids to put on their shoes, coaxing them out of the sandbox, away from the swings, across the road and out of a puddle, I finally made it to the vegetable garden . . . just as the first drops of rain began to fall. Ashton climbed into my arms and tucked his face into my shirt saying "It's getting on me."
In defiance I retorted, "It's getting better, see it's going to go away." just as the rain drops grew to the size of pistachio nuts. Fine. "Isaac, take your brother over to the playground and hang out under the bridge." I began weeding around our sorry, yellow tomato plants until I realized that with all the water spilling over my back I might as well be weeding in a swimming pool. I picked a few woody turnips and conceded this round to the rain.

Round 2: I ran to the playground, only to find that the kids had NOT decided to take shelter under the bridge and now looked like happy drowned rats. I hesitated, set down the turnips, and climbed up the slide with them, plummeting down into a fat, juicy mud puddle. Isaac and Ashton got some serious air, landing full-body into the sloppy mess. After the kids' faces were caked with mud and I had no clean area of clothing left to wipe their eyes, we finally came home. Luckily, the rain washed most of the mud off before Aukai laughed at us.
I win round 2.

Final score: Rain 1, Heather 1. There will be a tie-breaker later this weekend.